Period Power

My periods are changing. I no longer bleed every 28 days. A whole eight months went by last year. I am in the transitional space between my moon cycle and the power stage called menopause feeling tranquil as I write this.

Recently, the red tide came in. Her arrival was unannounced and unexpected. The ‘almost unfamiliar to me now’ bright redness on the white loo roll. I got excited. It was like seeing an old friend again.

She was a wonderfully big bleed, eight days in total, my longest period ever.

I’d nearly forgotten the deep dive the dance with the blood is. My soft and oh so delightfully nurturing cloth pads lay dorment in their red velvet bag in my undies drawer.

I’d almost forgotten the uncompromising nature of the moon cycle.

I’d forgotten the heightened awareness and sensitivity.

I’d forgotten the feeling of being taken to the underworld with no time to pack.

I’d forgotten the waves of emotion.

I’d forgotten the roller coaster.

The menstrual super powers are many and include the capacity for soul deep self reflection, off the charts awareness, purification and expanded relief in the bliss of letting go.

It’s also a time where I lean into the ‘i couldn’t give a flying shiz about things that were really important to me a week ago’ sort of feeling.

Prior obsessions dissolve as I sink into my flow.

Naturally I want nourishing soup, bone broth, stew or slow cooked casseroles and sitting by log fires or laying down with a hot water bottle.

Doing nothing.

Going nowhere.

Pleasing no one.

Last time around the moon, there was drama.

Upon reflection I can see that my periods have evoked strong feelings in me and the man in my life for years. During my last cycle I had a fight with my man.

We never fight.

We had a fight because of who I was being. I wasn’t in touch with the uncomfortable feelings underneath my stove top intensity.

He was.

When I slowed down enough to feel how I was feeling, there was a lot brewing in my soft underbelly.

Our period has the power to reset us and is a natural spring clean on many levels. She brings to our awareness our deeper feelings about how we are living our life. She lets us know clearly how she feels about how we are going through our life physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. 

Our period brings the power for profoundly deep purification. Buried truths and feelings rise up for acceptance and ultimately for release.

Wisdom. She. Is.

For years I either suppressed my deepest feelings or they flowed out of me as drama. This was a painful process because I didn’t want to feel some of those big feelings. I am writing about this here in the hope that it might assist you to bleed with power and with less drama than I did.

For years I was able to keep powerful parts of myself hidden and tucked away from myself for most of the time. I talked myself out of the wisdom revealed to me at this time.

I lived too much in my head. I lived too much for others. I had no idea how to love myself.

The Red Tide takes us deeper.

Looking back I can see how frightened I was of my own emotional energy.

Period Powers are hidden from view. For centuries they have been banished, silenced, ignored, suppressed, confined, cut back, medicated, and made to feel too much. I played too small, while she danced big.

The powers of the womb are formidable and in a masculine power system we have been trained to ignore and suppress them. In patriarchy we became overly educated smart women, we worked hard for years while our wombs tugged away calling out to us for stillness.

It’s a time to just be.

She yearns for us to move with her instead of being against her, yet as women, we are still far too disconnected from our body wisdom.

As a collective we women still live with ‘the fear of detection’ when we are bleeding. Much of our period energy goes into checking and rechecking that we are not bleeding all over the chair and clothing we are sitting on. We also over ride our energy limits, we push ourselves too far, we give too much to others when we really need to stop.

During the moon time my deepest truths become amplified and expand through me energetically in a big red wave. If I don’t catch the wave it can be messy, and by this I don’t just mean physically. The moon flow happens on all levels. The forces of Mother Nature within us are literally gushing and unleashing through us at this time.

Our moon flow is a journey to the underworld. Each month we merge with the Sacred Feminine on a profound healing retreat, willing or not, it is happening anyway … like a  mini death and a mini birth all rolled into one. Our Period has the power to deeply transform and heal us as women if we able to tune into and feel into what is actually going on inside us.

As the blood begins we are called inwards. This can happen anywhere at anytime … at work, on public transport or while making love.

No matter where we are the invitation is to turn towards the feelings and sensations that arise. It can be turbulent, energizing, draining or even a little or a lot dark sometimes as we discover we have the opportunity to meet and merge with the wisdom in our hips, to release unwanted stagnant energy and then gradually many days later return with a new approach and with new energy for the next journey around the moon.

Like the moon we cycle from dark to full and round again each month. Nature gives us 7 days to rest and release (a kind of death), 14 days to rebirth, with the peak of the fertile force at ovulation and another 7 days to let go and express ourselves even more fully (otherwise known as the pms week). Every month we are unfurling new fronds and dropping off dead fronds as we go.

It’s not a straight line, it’s a moon cycle after all.

Period Power = Slow down + Rest +Merge + Reflect + Review + 7 days later = Returning

All that no longer serves goes out on the red tide and Period Power means feeling it all.

Sometimes my period brought on arguments and fighting in my relationships because I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop being a martyr or a victim. My body and soul needed to go onto airplane mode for a week and I didn’t see how that could happen, so I over rode myself and soldiered on.

Looking back I can see that partners often reflected the hidden anger I felt but denied back to me.

Upon reflection I can see that I needed a Red Tent.

I needed to stop. I needed to relax. I needed to just be.

I needed to expand and take up more space for myself.

I needed to be away from men and children at this time.

Ancient cultures have always known this.

During my period the man in my life reflected back to me what I myself was feeling deep down. I often experienced it as a form of attack.

I’m pretty sure my man would say that he felt attacked by the way I was being, and often an argument was born at this time of the month.

Truth is, for many years I was unable to slow down enough to feel what I was feeling and allow myself to be with what I was feeling. I didn’t carve out the sacred space I needed.

My inability to face my deeper feelings and power manifested outwardly as Period Drama.

Fighting with men and feeling unable to deal with the demands of the outer life at this time I sometimes felt alien in my body, my home and in the world.

Notes from my moon journal …. “I must stop over doing it this time, lest I fall apart and someone’s head come off”.

The red tide won’t allow me to push my body or betray myself. My intuition and all my senses become heightened.

I must rest, or else.

The Womb contains the Cure

I truly believe that womb health is connected with mental health. I know what it feels like to smile to the outside world while privately living with deep seated mother grief, mother guilt, mother rage, and mother shame.

It held me back for years.

It kept me isolated, stuck and feeling invisible.

Twelve years ago I had an abortion which seriously impacted me.

I thought I was fine, the procedure was straight forward and I had some support from my partner, but it wasn’t enough. On the surface and medically speaking everything went smoothly. Inside me, however, was another story.

I can still remember the tears streaming down my face as we lit a candle and prayed for our loss. Despite this I knew that the termination was the right decision for us both.

What I wasn’t aware of then was how I felt deeper down.

Underneath my smile for the outside world was a rage that wanted to be seen and felt but was hidden.

My anger was held in my underbelly, in my womb.

Back then I had no way to articulate what I was really going through.

I was comfortable with grief but actually I was furious.

I really wanted to make a family and to have more children but my partner at the time didn’t.

Six months later we had ANOTHER abortion.

This was the final TIPPING point.

One day a current of rage rose up from deep within me and impacted the only person truly by my side back then, my five year old daughter.

My shadow self rose up and hurt a vulnerable and innocent child.

I was frightened and horrified and the shock of this day took me years to come to grips with.

I needed womb healing. I needed deep listening. I needed a shame whisperer.

I had no idea how to access myself or the support my soul needed.

This is why I created Birth Your Truth.

It’s what I needed back then when I was all alone.

I grew up catholic and somewhere inside I felt I needed to be punished for my behaviour, so after this I went on to attract a punishing husband.

We live in a culture that barely recognizes the womb and women’s truths . As women we have collectively been socialized and over educated up into our heads.

We tend to ignore ourselves from the waist down, period.

We ignore our womb and pretend she isn’t there. We even medicate her in an attempt to control her. Lest someone become overwhelmed by her power!

Womb healing is essential for women and highly protective for our children because supported, loved and nurtured mothers are safer, happier and better mothers.

Our children don’t really go with what we say as much as they go with how we act and how we behave. Our children not only feel our wounds, they carry them in their heart soul space.

Our children live in our vibrational field.

Back then I was unable to cope with how I really felt deep down. I know now that that which we cannot be with, waits for us and essentially runs us; it owns us.

If we bring ourselves forth, if we have the courage to be with our true feelings, if we can face the carnage we feel in our underbelly, we have a chance at healing and creating a real and authentic life.

If we ignore our shadow selves they can potentially rise up one day and hurt us or others or even fester away slowly and destroy us from within.

Unmet pain can implode internally into lumps, bumps, cysts and illnesses or externally it can explode hurting ourselves and those we care most about.

I am passionate about creating a better world for mothers and their children.

I do my work for women, our children and the generations to come too.

Back then I was unable to deal with the enormity of my feelings, it was too big and too scary. I was a single parent living alone in a big city and I felt ashamed.

As a daughter of patriarchy I was trained to soldier on and keep going. The modern day version of this is to carry on and ‘suck it up’.

Hiding and sucking it up only led me to hiding my truth and exploding it out later hurting my child.

After my tipping point I was totally driven to heal. I had to do something that mattered to me, something that honoured my body and women’s life giving powers.

I spent five years in body based psychotherapy and began offering women’s circles. I started Sacred Woman Gatherings in Sydney in 2005.

After years training and working as a doula, child birth educator and eventually becoming a registered midwife in two countries I now have something unique to offer.

From my journey into the depths of personal darkness, new light and new life has come.

In 2015 I created Birth Your Truth to hold space for women to heal from unexpected or disappointing experiences of childbirth, miscarriage and abortion.

This work has been full of light, wonderful and life changing for me.

I have seen deep miracles take place, however I am not a healer.

I am a midwife.

I am with woman, holding space for her energetic, felt truth.

Many of the women I have seen have been hurt by the comments and actions of well meaning and highly trained health professionals who themselves do not have the personal experience, sensitivity, compassion or awareness of the real issues women face behind closed doors after procedures are done.

Every front has a back and oft times some health professionals are only trained to see the front issue (and treat it with surgery or medication) blind to the real issue underneath.

My gift is to see and feel the deeper issues.

I’m with Rumi when he said, “The Wound contains the Cure.”

I go a step further.

The Womb contains the Cure.