If you’re not familiar with the word Yoni, it is a Sanskrit word for the feminine regenerative and reproductive organs. I prefer the sound and resonance of the delicious word Yo – Nee to the word vagina. In Tantric teachings Yoni refers to the female principle in all forms including the earths seasonal cycles.
A woman has the capacity to create so much within her. Pleasure and orgasm, conception, pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are among many of her capacities. Woman also allows for all that no longer serves to flow through her. Her body knows death and renewal too. Consider this.
Every month just like the dark of the moon or a low tide; woman herself also lets go. From deep inside her womb a warm river of blood is released over four to seven days. All that no longer serves her body, mind, heart is released for transmutation. Her menstrual flow is a sacred ritual for the expression and awakening of her deep inner truth and well being.
Who is this mysterious creature who bleeds from the womb each month without dying?
Women are divine rivers, gateways between worlds. I could go on, but this post is supposed to be about my first ever Yoni mapping session, so I’ll stay on track and move on to that now.
If you’re still with me at this point I invite you deeper.
I’ve known intuitively for a while that a Yoni Mapping session would be beneficial for me. To be clear, Yoni Mapping sessions are not about stimulation in order to reach a goal such as orgasm, although expansion and pleasure are wonderfully delightful side benefits of this work. For me the Yoni mapping session was about deepening my own sexual self discovery and letting go.
In recent years I’ve felt drawn to listen more closely to my body, especially in the realm of sexuality. I knew I had to listen to my Yoni and care for her more than ever before. I also knew that I needed to listen more deeply to what she was saying about how she truly felt about things sexually.
Recently I reconnected with Claudine and I knew it was time to book in for a session. I had known Claudine as a trusted Shiatsu therapist and women’s health practitioner on a professional level for over ten years prior to my Yoni mapping session so I felt safe with Claudine.
I wondered before the session if she would be using gloves or cleaning her nails. I was a little hesitant to ask, but when I did I was happy to discover that indeed Claudine wears gloves. My first little concern instantly dissolved.
My Yoni Mapping session took place in Claudine’s garden studio in South Golden Beach. A short walk under the house and I find the welcoming Red Door. Before I go in I am drawn to a wild red rose open in full bloom in the garden. The colour is deep and she is covered in rain drops in the freshness of the early morning. Her scent is truly exquisite, divine and pure.
Upon arrival Claudine greets me with warming, nurturing tea served on an antique tray. The cups are rimmed with gold. I know that I am in the right place at the right time.
I am happy and a little anxious too, after all this is my first yoni mapping session. The atmosphere is so warm and inviting. I relax into the velvet cushions and a beautiful beeswax candle is burning.
I feel ready to dive into the unknown.
The session begins with Claudine listening to my Yoni Story. What comes out of my mouth surprises me. It’s about my childhood. I grew up catholic. As a young child I fused sex and pleasure alongside blame, shame and guilt. As well as this my earliest female care providers, all catholic nuns and teachers, were often angry. Actually, I recall them being furious. I was a frightened child who tread carefully at home and at school to avoid setting them off.
I recall a beating with the ruler from a nun as well as several shaming verbal put downs during my primary school years.
When I grew up I had forgotten (i.e vaulted and internalized) most of these experiences. Being criticized, I became critical of myself and others too. Really not healthy. Without being conscious of it I became just like the women around me most as a little girl. I grew up punishing myself just as they punished me.
Fast forward to my adult relationships. I willingly (yet unknowingly) took on all the culpability for others mistakes and bad behaviour. For many years I played the role of prey and at the same time ‘protected’ my abusers. Living inside religion I heard at school, in church and all around me that I was a sinner who needed to pay for not only my sins and mistakes but the mistakes of others too. Mmmm, this isn’t a post about my catholic upbringing, however I can see there’s a lot I can expand on here. It’s fair to say I internalized the idea that I was a bad girl!
I believe that the underlying tension and sexual frustration in many of the women around me growing up manifested outwardly towards me as anger and rage. Just as the nuns were cruel I grew up and was harsh to me too. In my Yoni mapping session I had to get them out of my system energetically by telling them what I could never say to them as a child.
This dialogue, held by Claudine, allowed me to break the spell I’ve been living within and begin to rewire myself internally. During this process I gave myself full permission to let my erotic innocence flow again. I then began to reclaim my own inner sexual territory, claiming my body temple as my own. Finding safety within my body and in my relationships was the first step towards my freedom. It’s been a major piece of my life’s work.
After the dialogue it was then time to move a little closer towards my Yoni. There was a little bit of weirdness at the beginning but it soon began to melt away as I could feel the presence with which Claudine began her sacred work.
It was not at all what I was expecting.
I felt completely relaxed with no need to rush. I could feel how I’ve lived with the idea that my Yoni should be a certain way … ie juicy and ready, even when she really wasn’t feeling that way. I can see that I’ve pressured my Yoni, feeling that she was ‘supposed’ to get turned on and be flowing and orgasmic even when she really wasn’t.
Finally, after thousands of years, I completely relaxed.
In our fast paced world a woman’s Yoni is too often penetrated long before she is ready. With each breath I dropped more inside. I let go of all the stories of what I or my Yoni or the session should be.
It was beautiful.
Claudine began with gentle pressure on the bones of my pelvis and sacrum. This brought relaxation to my whole system and a feeling of complete and full relief washed over me.
When our Yoni is approached with reverence from the outer extremities like this ie the bones … there is no pressure for her to be on guard, to tense up or defend or be anything or get anywhere. After years of trying, she could finally just be.
She didn’t need to be turned on.
She didn’t need to be juicy.
She didn’t need to be orgasmic.
Finally, after a lifetime of expectations my Yoni could just relax, drop everything and be herself.
My Yoni had a long deserved holiday. She loved it!
Nothing to do.
Nowhere to go.
Nothing to prove.
Noone to impress.
Just lying there and having a nice Yoni Mapping session.
It was much deeper and much more gentle than I had expected. If you’re a little curious you can find Claudine here. I highly recommend her work to all women. Coming next, part two, 3 big things I got from my Yoni mapping session.