My first ever Yoni Mapping Session

Birth your Truth

If you’re not familiar with the word Yoni, it is a Sanskrit word for the feminine regenerative and reproductive organs. I prefer the sound and resonance of the delicious word Yo – Nee to the word vagina. In Tantric teachings Yoni refers to the female principle in all forms including the earths seasonal cycles. 

A woman has the capacity to create so much within her. Pleasure and orgasm, conception, pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are among many of her capacities. Woman also allows for all that no longer serves to flow through her. Her body knows death and renewal too. Consider this.

Every month just like the dark of the moon or a low tide; woman herself also lets go. From deep inside her womb a warm river of blood is released over four to seven days. All that no longer serves her body, mind, heart and spirit is released for…

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My first ever Yoni Mapping Session

Pink rose

If you’re not familiar with the word Yoni, it is a Sanskrit word for the feminine regenerative and reproductive organs. I prefer the sound and resonance of the delicious word Yo – Nee to the word vagina. In Tantric teachings Yoni refers to the female principle in all forms including the earths seasonal cycles. 

A woman has the capacity to create so much within her. Pleasure and orgasm, conception, pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are among many of her capacities. Woman also allows for all that no longer serves to flow through her. Her body knows death and renewal too. Consider this.

Every month just like the dark of the moon or a low tide; woman herself also lets go. From deep inside her womb a warm river of blood is released over four to seven days. All that no longer serves her body, mind, heart is released for transmutation. Her menstrual flow is a sacred ritual for the expression and awakening of her deep inner truth and well being.

Who is this mysterious creature who bleeds from the womb each month without dying?

Woman.

Women are divine rivers, gateways between worlds. I could go on, but this post is supposed to be about my first ever Yoni mapping session, so I’ll stay on track and move on to that now.

If you’re still with me at this point I invite you deeper.

I’ve known intuitively for a while that a Yoni Mapping session would be beneficial for me. To be clear, Yoni Mapping sessions are not about stimulation in order to reach a goal such as orgasm, although expansion and pleasure are wonderfully delightful side benefits of this work. For me the Yoni mapping session was about deepening my own sexual self discovery and letting go.

In recent years I’ve felt drawn to listen more closely to my body, especially in the realm of sexuality. I knew I had to listen to my Yoni and care for her more than ever before. I also knew that I needed to listen more deeply to what she was saying about how she truly felt about things sexually.

Recently I reconnected with Claudine and I knew it was time to book in for a session. I had known Claudine as a trusted Shiatsu therapist and women’s health practitioner on a professional level for over ten years prior to my Yoni mapping session so I felt safe with Claudine.

I wondered before the session if she would be using gloves or cleaning her nails. I was a little hesitant to ask, but when I did I was happy to discover that indeed Claudine wears gloves. My first little concern instantly dissolved.

My Yoni Mapping session took place in Claudine’s garden studio in South Golden Beach. A short walk under the house and I find the welcoming Red Door. Before I go in I am drawn to a wild red rose open in full bloom in the garden. The colour is deep and she is covered in rain drops in the freshness of the early morning. Her scent is truly exquisite, divine and pure.

Upon arrival Claudine greets me with warming, nurturing tea served on an antique tray. The cups are rimmed with gold. I know that I am in the right place at the right time.

I am happy and a little anxious too, after all this is my first yoni mapping session. The atmosphere is so warm and inviting. I relax into the velvet cushions and a beautiful beeswax candle is burning.

I feel ready to dive into the unknown.

The session begins with Claudine listening to my Yoni Story. What comes out of my mouth surprises me. It’s about my childhood. I grew up catholic. As a young child I fused sex and pleasure alongside blame, shame and guilt. As well as this my earliest female care providers, all catholic nuns and teachers, were often angry. Actually, I recall them being furious. I was a frightened child who tread carefully at home and at school to avoid setting them off.

I recall a beating with the ruler from a nun as well as several shaming verbal put downs during my primary school years. 

When I grew up I had forgotten (i.e vaulted and internalized) most of these experiences. Being criticized, I became critical of myself and others too. Really not healthy. Without being conscious of it I became just like the women around me most as a little girl. I grew up punishing myself just as they punished me.

Fast forward to my adult relationships. I willingly (yet unknowingly) took on all the culpability for others mistakes and bad behaviour. For many years I played the role of prey and at the same time ‘protected’ my abusers. Living inside religion I heard at school, in church and all around me that I was a sinner who needed to pay for not only my sins and mistakes but the mistakes of others too. Mmmm, this isn’t a post about my catholic upbringing, however I can see there’s a lot I can expand on here. It’s fair to say I internalized the idea that I was a bad girl!

I believe that the underlying tension and sexual frustration in many of the women around me growing up manifested outwardly towards me as anger and rage. Just as the nuns were cruel I grew up and was harsh to me too.  In my Yoni mapping session I had to get them out of my system energetically by telling them what I could never say to them as a child.

Fuck off!

This dialogue, held by Claudine, allowed me to break the spell I’ve been living within and begin to rewire myself internally. During this process I gave myself full permission to let my erotic innocence flow again. I then began to reclaim my own inner sexual territory, claiming my body temple as my own. Finding safety within my body and in my relationships was the first step towards my freedom. It’s been a major piece of my life’s work.

After the dialogue it was then time to move a little closer towards my Yoni. There was a little bit of weirdness at the beginning but it soon began to melt away as I could feel the presence with which Claudine began her sacred work.

It was not at all what I was expecting.

I felt completely relaxed with no need to rush. I could feel how I’ve lived with the idea that my Yoni should be a certain way … ie juicy and ready, even when she really wasn’t feeling that way.  I can see that I’ve pressured my Yoni, feeling that she was ‘supposed’ to get turned on and be flowing and orgasmic even when she really wasn’t.

Finally, after thousands of years, I completely relaxed.

In our fast paced world a woman’s Yoni is too often penetrated long before she is ready. With each breath I dropped more inside. I let go of all the stories of what I or my Yoni or the session should be.

It was beautiful.

Claudine began with gentle pressure on the bones of my pelvis and sacrum. This brought relaxation to my whole system and a feeling of complete and full relief washed over me.

When our Yoni is approached with reverence from the outer extremities like this ie the bones … there is no pressure for her to be on guard, to tense up or defend or be anything or get anywhere. After years of trying, she could finally just be.

She didn’t need to be turned on.

She didn’t need to be juicy.

She didn’t need to be orgasmic.

Finally, after a lifetime of expectations my Yoni could just relax, drop everything and be herself.

My Yoni had a long deserved holiday. She loved it!

Nothing to do.

Nowhere to go.

Nothing to prove.

Noone to impress.

Just lying there and having a nice Yoni Mapping session.

It was much deeper and much more gentle than I had expected. If you’re a little curious you can find Claudine here. I highly recommend her work to all women. Coming next, part two, 3 big things I got from my Yoni mapping session.

Period Power

My periods are changing. I no longer bleed every 28 days. A whole eight months went by last year. I am in the transitional space between my moon cycle and the power stage called menopause feeling tranquil as I write this.

Recently, the red tide came in. Her arrival was unannounced and unexpected. The ‘almost unfamiliar to me now’ bright redness on the white loo roll. I got excited. It was like seeing an old friend again.

She was a wonderfully big bleed, eight days in total, my longest period ever.

I’d nearly forgotten the deep dive the dance with the blood is. My soft and oh so delightfully nurturing cloth pads lay dorment in their red velvet bag in my undies drawer.

I’d almost forgotten the uncompromising nature of the moon cycle.

I’d forgotten the heightened awareness and sensitivity.

I’d forgotten the feeling of being taken to the underworld with no time to pack.

I’d forgotten the waves of emotion.

I’d forgotten the roller coaster.

The menstrual super powers are many and include the capacity for soul deep self reflection, off the charts awareness, purification and expanded relief in the bliss of letting go.

It’s also a time where I lean into the ‘i couldn’t give a flying shiz about things that were really important to me a week ago’ sort of feeling.

Prior obsessions dissolve as I sink into my flow.

Naturally I want nourishing soup, bone broth, stew or slow cooked casseroles and sitting by log fires or laying down with a hot water bottle.

Doing nothing.

Going nowhere.

Pleasing no one.

Last time around the moon, there was drama.

Upon reflection I can see that my periods have evoked strong feelings in me and the man in my life for years. During my last cycle I had a fight with my man.

We never fight.

We had a fight because of who I was being. I wasn’t in touch with the uncomfortable feelings underneath my stove top intensity.

He was.

When I slowed down enough to feel how I was feeling, there was a lot brewing in my soft underbelly.

Our period has the power to reset us and is a natural spring clean on many levels. She brings to our awareness our deeper feelings about how we are living our life. She lets us know clearly how she feels about how we are going through our life physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. 

Our period brings the power for profoundly deep purification. Buried truths and feelings rise up for acceptance and ultimately for release.

Wisdom. She. Is.

For years I either suppressed my deepest feelings or they flowed out of me as drama. This was a painful process because I didn’t want to feel some of those big feelings. I am writing about this here in the hope that it might assist you to bleed with power and with less drama than I did.

For years I was able to keep powerful parts of myself hidden and tucked away from myself for most of the time. I talked myself out of the wisdom revealed to me at this time.

I lived too much in my head. I lived too much for others. I had no idea how to love myself.

The Red Tide takes us deeper.

Looking back I can see how frightened I was of my own emotional energy.

Period Powers are hidden from view. For centuries they have been banished, silenced, ignored, suppressed, confined, cut back, medicated, and made to feel too much. I played too small, while she danced big.

The powers of the womb are formidable and in a masculine power system we have been trained to ignore and suppress them. In patriarchy we became overly educated smart women, we worked hard for years while our wombs tugged away calling out to us for stillness.

It’s a time to just be.

She yearns for us to move with her instead of being against her, yet as women, we are still far too disconnected from our body wisdom.

As a collective we women still live with ‘the fear of detection’ when we are bleeding. Much of our period energy goes into checking and rechecking that we are not bleeding all over the chair and clothing we are sitting on. We also over ride our energy limits, we push ourselves too far, we give too much to others when we really need to stop.

During the moon time my deepest truths become amplified and expand through me energetically in a big red wave. If I don’t catch the wave it can be messy, and by this I don’t just mean physically. The moon flow happens on all levels. The forces of Mother Nature within us are literally gushing and unleashing through us at this time.

Our moon flow is a journey to the underworld. Each month we merge with the Sacred Feminine on a profound healing retreat, willing or not, it is happening anyway … like a  mini death and a mini birth all rolled into one. Our Period has the power to deeply transform and heal us as women if we able to tune into and feel into what is actually going on inside us.

As the blood begins we are called inwards. This can happen anywhere at anytime … at work, on public transport or while making love.

No matter where we are the invitation is to turn towards the feelings and sensations that arise. It can be turbulent, energizing, draining or even a little or a lot dark sometimes as we discover we have the opportunity to meet and merge with the wisdom in our hips, to release unwanted stagnant energy and then gradually many days later return with a new approach and with new energy for the next journey around the moon.

Like the moon we cycle from dark to full and round again each month. Nature gives us 7 days to rest and release (a kind of death), 14 days to rebirth, with the peak of the fertile force at ovulation and another 7 days to let go and express ourselves even more fully (otherwise known as the pms week). Every month we are unfurling new fronds and dropping off dead fronds as we go.

It’s not a straight line, it’s a moon cycle after all.

Period Power = Slow down + Rest +Merge + Reflect + Review + 7 days later = Returning

All that no longer serves goes out on the red tide and Period Power means feeling it all.

Sometimes my period brought on arguments and fighting in my relationships because I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop being a martyr or a victim. My body and soul needed to go onto airplane mode for a week and I didn’t see how that could happen, so I over rode myself and soldiered on.

Looking back I can see that partners often reflected the hidden anger I felt but denied back to me.

Upon reflection I can see that I needed a Red Tent.

I needed to stop. I needed to relax. I needed to just be.

I needed to expand and take up more space for myself.

I needed to be away from men and children at this time.

Ancient cultures have always known this.

During my period the man in my life reflected back to me what I myself was feeling deep down. I often experienced it as a form of attack.

I’m pretty sure my man would say that he felt attacked by the way I was being, and often an argument was born at this time of the month.

Truth is, for many years I was unable to slow down enough to feel what I was feeling and allow myself to be with what I was feeling. I didn’t carve out the sacred space I needed.

My inability to face my deeper feelings and power manifested outwardly as Period Drama.

Fighting with men and feeling unable to deal with the demands of the outer life at this time I sometimes felt alien in my body, my home and in the world.

Notes from my moon journal …. “I must stop over doing it this time, lest I fall apart and someone’s head come off”.

The red tide won’t allow me to push my body or betray myself. My intuition and all my senses become heightened.

I must rest, or else.

Who really has the power when it comes to childbirth?

Michelle Obama recently gave a speech encouraging people to register to vote in the US. I was struck with how relevant and important her words are for women.

Michelle said…

“When you don’t vote you’re letting other people make some really key decisions about the life you’re going to live and how it’s going to work out for you. You’re just saying ‘you do it’… and you may not like what they decide. You might not like living with the consequences of other people’s choices.”

Many of us wanted a natural birth yet came away with something unexpected… such as a forceps delivery, vacuum extraction, episiotomy, stitches or a caesarean section.

These outcomes have felt disappointing and heart breaking to us.

The medical model of care sees childbirth as an accident waiting to happen, so to save us from this predicament the focus is on ‘doing things’ in an ordered and structured way to get the desired end results.

With all the advances of science and medicine why has it become so hard for women to give birth naturally?

The root of the problem with modern maternity care is that it functions within a masculine power system and the truth is that women and birth don’t work that way.

Within a medical model of care there is a predictable pattern and ordered process of events via which these results occur.

For example, I know that continuous monitoring in labour is linked to instrumental delivery of the baby, but many women may not know this. Labouring on a bed for hours with an epidural in situ the baby’s heart rate often drops and an emergency caesarean follows.

The masculine power system doesn’t see the deeper relationships between things such as the woman’s ability to receive support, the women’s position during labour, her need for privacy and freedom or the relationship between her inner state and the progress of labour and dilation.

Nor does it consider the quality of her relationships past or present and the impact on the birth.

There are many internal (in women’s bodies and minds) and external (in the environment and with others) factors contributing to the prevalence of medicalized birth across the world.

Most of us were born into and educated within a masculine power system. It’s based on achievement and in doing things in a linear way by taking a series of steps.

We have all been imprinted with ideas and experiences about women’s bodies and birth from years and years of conditioning.

Many of us now have the idea that women need to birth at the hospital and can’t do it for themselves, they need help because birth is dangerous.

This isn’t true.

Birth can be straightforward and simple. The truth is that without fear and in the right conditions with the right support most women birth naturally and well.

We are each also imprinted by the conceptions, pregnancies and births our mothers and grandmothers had. We are conditioned and held back by fears and inner beliefs which block our flow, our voice and our power.

How we birth is how we live.

The masculine power system is linear in its thinking and is focused on one thing: getting results.

It breaks things down into parts, so from the perspective of the medical model of care the vacuum extraction, forceps delivery and caesarean section are considered useful because they get the baby out and are therefore achieving the end result.

If a woman is hooked up to a monitor, her labour can be measured. This is seen as a useful way to chart her course to get the desired results. It’s not wrong or bad, it’s just one way of seeing things.

What’s missing here is the woman’s experience of becoming a mother, her process and the activation of her feminine power.

I’ve watched forceps deliveries, vacuum extractions and caesarean sections and I can tell you that they are right up there with the most disturbing and awful things that I have ever seen.

They are all very invasive measures and can be incredibly painful for women and babies.

Without the feminine powers of intuition, connection, support and the inner birthing tools we are left in a barren world with only the outer birthing tools, instruments, operations and machines.

There are many gentle and time tested inner tools that women can access to birth naturally that work without force.

A midwife you know, like and trust can be an incredibly protective and powerful ally for you to achieve natural birth, as can a doula.

With the loss of the ancient art of midwifery (including the highly protective powers of spiritual midwifery) women today are left with the cold outer tools that often leave incredibly deep scars and profound wounds, not just in the body but in the heart of woman, her psyche and sexuality.

Men too have birth trauma from having to watch all this, powerless to protect their woman and child from the harm of the outer tools.

There are certainly times when these options are necessary and can be helpful, and yes, they can sometimes be life savers, but if you want a natural birth they are only ever to be considered as absolute last resorts.

The thing is, if you birth within a medical model of care, your chances of experiencing the ‘outer tools’ are very high.

Let me be clear, the masculine power system is not wrong or bad, in fact it is great for achieving things that can be controlled such as scheduling flights at an international airport or building a boat.

There have been many gains to this system, such as flying from one country to another… and there have been costs too, such as the carbon emissions from aircraft.

A feminine power system works more like a garden; it is ever changing, emergent, unpredictable and cannot be controlled.

Who has the power 2 800x400

We cannot control when the tulips will open in spring time.

We cannot control when the strawberries will be ready to eat.

In a feminine power system there is an understanding of the inter-relatedness and importance of each and every part of the garden. Gardens look different in the morning compared to at the heat of the day. Gardens are also wildly different in spring compared to winter.

Just like nature, women and birth are not predictable. Women are fuelled by powerful natural cycles such as menstruation, pregnancy, birth and menopause.

These cycles have been consistent in women’s lives for centuries. They were not designed to be controlled but to bring all of life forward for the health of all in alignment with the deeper truth, the evolution of humanity within the cosmos.

Like gardens, women too are changing every day and every week of the month in relation to the cycle, season and stage of life the woman is in.

A garden is fecund and slow and like the weather it too can be chaotic and unpredictable.

There is no force here.

There is no due date for peaches or mangoes to ripen.

There are no inductions for roses.

Everything happens when it is ready to happen.

The masculine power system can be brutal when it is applied to feminine processes such as labour and birth.

And we women, we want things now too.

We want control and we don’t want to wait.

We want our baby on or around the due date.

We want our labour a certain way and a certain time.

The truth is that machines and medicalization can and will deliver such results.

There is another way and you have access to your feminine power right now.

If you want to be empowered to have your best chances to birth naturally message me now about Pregnancy Power, the 7 week course. I’ll give you practices to find your voice and power.

If you’re pregnant and you need support for your next birth or if you want to heal from the birth you had last time, reach out, message me and we can set up a time to talk. If you want to find out more you can go here www.birthyourtruth.com

Michelle Obama wants more people to vote, she wants change and so do I.

I want women to have great births.

And, I want to end birth trauma.

Why has it been hard for spiritual women to have natural births?

Despite all the prenatal yoga, organic food and deep healing work we’ve done, many smart, educated and vibrant spiritual women have had birth experiences we were not expecting. The underlying causes are often hidden and overlooked.

What follows here are some of the feelings and issues that conscious women have revealed to me and that I have observed in my work as a midwife, doula and birth healer over the last decade. The following list is not evidence based, complete or conclusive; rather it is my opinion and a reflection of some of my own experiences and also those of the women I work with. If any of the following resonates with you, or triggers something within you, please do your best to be compassionate and gentle with yourself and others, both during and after reading this. If what you hear here brings up old feelings you are welcome to contact me here for more support.

So, why has it been so hard for caring, educated, conscious, smart spiritual women to have natural births? Here’s what I’ve noticed that is linked to some of our most disappointing birth outcomes.

We were unprepared for the pain of childbirth and nobody mentioned pain or spoke honestly about pain in any of our childbirth education classes. When labour came, we didn’t know how to meet the power or intensity of contractions.

Looking back we had no real experience of labour and birth apart from what we’d heard or seen on movies and videos. We thought it would be much easier than it was.

We are results driven women and successful in the world and we had high expectations of ourselves to perform well and succeed at birth.

We had a plan for our birth. We aimed for the perfect birth and what we got didn’t fit that picture. Deep down we may feel we failed at birth.

We didn’t really want to birth in a hospital and got caught up in a cascade of intervention.

We were told we had to have an induction and ended up with a c-section.

We had an epidural that led to an instrumental birth.

We didn’t have the practical or spiritual support we needed to navigate labour and birth naturally when the time came. We got scared and looked to our care provider to sort it out and tell us what to do.

Deep down we didn’t really get along with or trust our care provider during birth.

We thought we could project manage our birth via an app or birth plan.

We didn’t know how to open up and be powerfully vulnerable during labour. We didn’t tell anyone how we were really feeling inside and we didn’t know how to let emotional support in at the difficult times when we most needed it.

We felt completely overwhelmed by the pain of labour and chose options we thought we never would.

We know ourselves to be strong women and for some reason during labour all our support people got sick and couldn’t be there for us.

We felt hurried and pressured during labour. We felt watched, observed and under surveillance during birth.

We got caught in power dynamics. We were unsure of our own role and power in the birthing process. We did what the care provider said whilst knowing deep down that the choice didn’t feel right for us.

When we got to the hospital we got swept up in a world not our own and felt captive and frightened. 

When the shit hit the fan we lost our voice and we were unable to ask for what we needed or even say what we were feeling and thinking.

When it came time we felt alone and realized that we didn’t feel supported.

We didn’t know how to ask for our needs and desires to be met in a way that inspired others to meet them.

We were in relationships where we weren’t seen, respected or properly heard and it impacted our birthing process.

We have prioritized the needs of others over our own needs and we haven’t been able to ask for what we want and need during pregnancy or birth.

We had children with partners who abused us. We carry shame about this.

We didn’t know how to stand up for ourselves or value or worth.

We’ve been afraid to let go of the fathers of our children even though we knew deep down they weren’t right for us. We’ve stayed in relationships too long, especially if they were safe and secure ones.

We’ve stayed in unhealthy relationships where there was good chemistry in the hope it would get better but during birth the truth was revealed to us and we had to face that truth with a baby in our arms.

We’ve had sexual abuse and other trauma in our past or childhood. During birth we were unable to trust or surrender into our own body and birthing process.

We grew up catholic and we have not felt fully at home in our female body or with our radiance or sexuality.

We were terrified of birth and overwhelmed by the pain of labour.

We had an awful birth previously and haven’t healed from it yet.

We did what the obstetrician or midwife or doula said because we felt we didn’t know enough about birth and babies and they knew more than us.

We were led to believe that the hospital was the safest place to have a baby, so we found an obstetrician and talked to them about our wishes for a normal birth. We were shocked when close to the arrival of our newborn the scissors came out and our vagina was cut to ‘deliver’ the baby from us.

We were labouring well until suddenly the baby’s heart rate dropped and we were rushed off to have an emergency caesarean.

We had an epidural and a vacuum or forceps delivery. We came home with a deep cut, a wound, lots of stitches or worse. Years later we still deal with incontinence, unresolved feelings, vaginal prolapse and trauma that impacts our sex life and intimate relationships.

We didn’t know how to say no. We said yes when we wanted to say no. Or, we said no, but were not heard. We felt pressured or even threatened to agree to something we didn’t really feel good about.

These are a few of the many reasons why spiritual women have unexpected birthing outcomes.

If any of these resonate with you, know that you are not alone.

These are the experiences of many women I work with, including my own.

Instead of blaming ourselves or others, let’s show a lot of empathy towards ourselves. All of these experiences can be gateways into power moving forward.

How we birth is linked to a much bigger story of women and power. No matter what happened we can heal.

Our birth story can teach us how to live powerfully in a female body on planet earth if we are courageous to look at what happened and how it made us feel.

Women and Birth have formidable Feminine Power, the power to create, relate, expand, radiate, regenerate, rebirth and heal worlds. 

You can have the support now that you did not have then.

You can have the voice now that you did not have then.

You can have the power now that you did not have then.

You can be now who you were not then. You can rise. You can heal. You can expand. Your voice matters. Your body matters. You can take up more space here on this earth. 

Here’s what I know… there is beautiful treasure for you within your birthing story, exactly as it happened. 


If any of the issues raised in this post are having an impact on your life, then you are most welcome to reach out to Angela for personal support.

My Love Story

Three years ago on top of a mountain in New Zealand I met eyes with my gorgeous man Silver. We met on the dance floor in the Coromandel Peninsula. This is my love story. 

In December 2014 I left Australia to pursue my Midwifery career in New Zealand. I knew I could not be a part of the medicalization of women and childbirth in my homeland.

I knew that New Zealand had one of the best maternity systems in the world and had often joked during my midwifery training, saying things like

When I finish studying midwifery, I am moving to New Zealand!”.

As a new graduate midwife I knew the time would come where I would have to leave my home to work away from home. There were very few jobs in Mullumbimby!

I had told my daughter and she was adamant she was not moving. I raised a tiger with voice, teeth and claws intact. No convincing her otherwise; I was heart achingly aware that this would mean leaving my teenage daughter behind with her father. (note – not my abusive ex)

I felt that a year away would do us both good. Her father had always said he would have her when she was a teenager. I didn’t fancy working out in the bush or in any other city in Australia.

A male friend suggested I go to New Zealand for a year.

At first I thought, “I can’t leave my daughter!” But after sitting with it for a while I knew I couldn’t leave myself where I was.

I had to go.

It was time.

Although this was difficult to do, I had to do it for me.

I had to walk on, I had to honour my soul, I had to say yes to me. As a mother it was hard to say yes to me yet the truth was that martyring myself to my child was not working.

I was worn out and I needed to heal and reclaim parts of myself.

I packed up my home and belongings and on the 1st of December 2014 I flew into Auckland airport. As soon as my feet hit New Zealand ground I felt a deep peace in my body and heart.

I felt safe.

I still feel this way.

My old friends Andy and Claire lent me their van so I could explore the Coromandel. A friend had told me about Mana Retreat and I knew there were dance classes there.

I headed alone into the soft green healing mountains. I felt vulnerable navigating this new land alone, yet exhilarated too. Bravely, one breathe at a time I ventured into the unknown. I knew I could not be the sort of midwife I wanted to be in Australia. I had to find another way to work and live.

I let go of everything to start over, little did I know that so much magic awaited me on top of that mountain.

Early one morning in the cold and mist I navigated the van through the windy mountains up to Mana Retreat in the Coromandel.

Hours later, through rain and summer fog I found myself on top of a mountain on the dance floor, my happy place, with around 20 other beautiful light filled souls.

Mana Retreat is a holy and sacred place on my soul pilgrimage.

While I danced freely around the floor a moment came that would change the course of my life, but I didn’t know it at the time. Out of nowhere he suddenly appeared, bright dark blue eyes, a man of courage, beauty and passion, wide awake. He looked straight into me. It was a moment of wonder.

In a single moment I had been penetrated by a man whose energy would soon go on to change my life. I wasn’t looking for another relationship. I wasn’t looking for a man.

I wanted to follow my calling, and it seemed the universe wanted to support me in that in mysterious ways too.

In matters of the heart I was most gravely wounded. For the two years prior I had grieved the loss of my whirlwind first marriage, which although passionate was cruel, destructive, painful and thoroughly unsustainable.

It wasn’t kind and it wasn’t safe.

I had to get out. I got a divorce.

Seeking a new path I threw myself whole heartedly into Midwifery studies. It was a rigorous journey for my spirit but I completed it.

Throughout the sad times I had a picture stuck on my desk that made me feel wonderful. It gave me hope. It was a small hand painted card by Annie Haywood, a brilliant New Zealand artist featuring a man and a woman together in a garden.

The image was one of peace and kindness.

As I studied and wrote essays I decided that I would never be abused again and that one day I would have a kind and loving relationship. As tears poured out of me like rivers I looked at that picture by Annie Haywood.

I affirmed to my heart and soul that I would never again settle for verbal, physical or psychological abuse of any kind.

I drew a line in the sand, and I dreamed of a better life.

Little did I know that I had invoked a King.

Looking back I can see that in the steaming compost of my marriage heartbreak, loss, pain and grief …. I surely planted a seed for myself.

I had no idea or concern for when it would happen. I was thick in a challenging career path with a teenage daughter to support.

I was not looking for love.

I forgot about that picture, packed up my house and got on a plane. Lo and behold my seed of hope sprung up unexpectedly in the Coromandel, a place of peace and extreme beauty. Heaven on Earth.

If we are courageous enough to face what isn’t working, what stinks, what is broken, what has failed, and what hurts like hell, from this place of dissolution and despair we can make wonderful compost and then go on to plant new seeds of hope. It’s fertile dross, grist for the mill.

Our seeds of hope will grow and sprout in divine timing. The process cannot be forced or controlled in any way.

Three years on I am softened, humbled and blessed by the presence of my divine man Silver by my side. It has in no way been easy, with my daughter in Australia and my relationship hurts… er… baggage.

Yet love has prevailed. Silver has sustained my heart, body and spirit through good times and bad.

I even left him for a year to return to my daughter and we did the dance of long distance love, flying back and forth across the Tasman.

Silver is by far the strongest, kindest, deepest and most wonderful man I have ever met.

The journey is still as mysterious and magical as it was when we first met three years ago today.

I am reborn in love.

I am softer, because he is so kind.

I am kinder, because he is so loving.

I am happier, because I am seen and truly accepted as I am.

I am more myself, because he is so patient with me.

He is my Man Angel.

This is my love story and I am truly blessed.

This is what I love

Illumined Angel in Crystal Stream

As the year comes to a close I pause to reflect on what I love. I love this river. She is a pristine sanctuary that delights me with her enchanted emerald green pools. 

I love dance. I love dancing in costumes. I love dancing in comfy clothes. I love dancing naked. I love dancing in community. I love dancing in my back yard. I love dancing with kids! I love wild anything goes dancing. I love dancing in gold threads.

I love Nature. I love soft grass. I love my rose tree. I love swimming in the sea. I love swimming in rivers. I love the change of seasons. I love flowers. I love bumble bees. I love sunsets. I love snow on the mountains. I love the sunsets near my home.

I love my daughter. The child who came through me, who is of me but does not belong to me. I honour the journey we’ve shared so far. Thank you for being my greatest teacher. It really has not been easy, yet I am in awe of you, how you change and grow. I miss you near. I hold you dear.

I love cooking. I love cooking curry and bliss balls and cake and apple pie.

I love celebration. I love parties and countdowns and fireworks and concerts.

I love travel. I’ve been to India several times, West Coast of USA, China, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Canada and New Zealand… and I’m only just warming up. I love the new smells and foods and sounds and faces. I love the different things to wear and see.

I love berries. Strawberries, cherries and raspberries. I love squishing the berries and seeing the colours all mix over my hand. Perfect water colours. Perfect ye olde lipsticks me thinks.

I love colourful spirited art. I love women’s circles. I love men’s choirs and monks singing. I love bird songs and dog songs. I love whale songs too.

I love water colours. I love how it flows and it cannot be controlled.

I love conversation. I love a good ole cup of tea and a chat with young and old.  The lady at the end of my street. Hester’s Mum. The seventy year old woman I met on the dance floor on Sunday, an earth Goddess!

I love singing.  Mantras and eighties songs, the themes of my youth. Your true colours are beautiful and ‘Wake me up before you go go’! are etched in my bark.

I love the experience of being alive. Each day a new creation. Each day a new expression of self flowing through this soft body.

I love my man. My magic Silver Moonlight.

I love my friends, rare gems, sparkling and golden.

I love myself, always here, always near.

Starlight, spiralling life, shining through me to all tonight.

What we say to ourselves matters

When I first met Silver I had to go through a lot of fear to even allow myself to start over. My heart felt broken after my divorce. I was crushed, yet after a year and a half of grieving life was moving me on to a wonderful new partnership.

Fear and pain tells our brain to put off or avoid anything associated with suffering… sometimes even to never go there again.

When I began my new chapter in New Zealand and met Silver a voice in my head said,

   “No, don’t go there again – you’ll get hurt.”

And at the same time another voice was saying,

   “Do this. You are different now. He is different. Trust yourself.”

I am so glad I did. Three years on and I am a more peaceful woman because of him. He has softened me.

In the throes of my divorce I made a decision that one day I would have a wonderful relationship.

Dreams do come true.

Three years on I now have a beautiful, peaceful and passionate partnership with a divine man.

I had to face my fear. I had to walk through a ring of fear. I made a decision to put myself first and follow my heart.

I had to let go of what wasn’t working for me too.

I’m so glad I faced my fears and manifested my dream man.

It can be the same with wanting to have another baby. It can be really, really scary. And no, that fear isn’t going to go away by itself.

Our body remembers how it felt last time and our soul remembers what we said to ourselves, even if our mind has forgotten.

The words came from deep inside me.

I remember the day clearly.

I was standing on the front lawn, holding my newborn in my arms, as mum was getting into her car after coming down from Queensland to help me for the first few weeks.

I was so lucky. I didn’t wash a cloth nappy for weeks because mum was there diligently soaking, washing and hanging them out.

But even the care and support of my own mum wasn’t enough to erase the feeling in my body.

I found childbirth a thousand times more painful than I thought it would be.

I wasn’t afraid giving birth, I was terrified.

I was in shock for months afterwards. I had stitches. I felt broken by birth.

I remember saying to her,

   “I am never doing that again.”

I told my soul that I am never having another baby again.

The years rolled on and I totally forgot my spoken vow to myself.

Looking back I can see that I spent the next ten years yearning to have another baby. To ‘get it right’. To make it good.

Yet all the hoping in the world could not overrule the words I laid down in my brain after my first birth.

   “I am never doing that again.”

I didn’t.

I became a doula and a midwife seeking to find answers to understand birth. I helped women ease their pain and not feel as alone as I did during childbirth. I spent ten years learning about what works for labouring women and what doesn’t.

All the trying, all the prenatal yoga, all the reading, all the classes… none of this can take away what your body and soul experienced the last time around.

Yet you can still transform what happened. You can heal from your birth.

If you’re willing to take a peek into what happened and how you felt, you can create a new vision for yourself and you can birth again in a new way.

Do you remember the words you said to yourself after your child was born?

Are your vows stopping you?

Now I live in New Zealand with the most wonderful man and the most wonderful relationship of my life.

I faced my fears and let go of the words I said to myself.

You can too.

You can re-write the birth story you are telling yourself and create a new birth experience.

You can.

7 protective tools for Women Birthing in the system

Wild Wolf

During pregnancy I lived by the sea. I swam daily, admiring the beautiful crystal clear green waves. During childbirth I became the ocean.

In labour it seemed there were only two choices, surrender to huge waves and trust that my baby would come to shore with me, or be consumed by fear.

Alongside a tremendous amount of fear with the help of an experienced midwife I gave birth to my daughter at home in a birthing pool.

It was monumental and magical beyond belief.

Birth set me on my path.

Birth became my teacher.

In 2007 I became a Doula and in 2014 a registered Midwife. Soon after graduating I moved to New Zealand to avoid the horrors of  medicalized birth in Australia.

I know in every cell of my body that healthy women can birth naturally given respect, support and an environment they feel safe to let go in. If we are free of fear labour can flow brilliantly.

As a student midwife I experienced a record number of normal births. I was guided by something bigger than myself especially when things got intense. I found deep stillness and calm within many medical dramas, where my point of intention was connection with and protection of the mother and baby.

Moving to New Zealand at the end of 2014 I thought my career as a midwife was set to go.

I was in for a surprise.

Although I tried to convince myself,  I was not aligned with clinical midwifery within the medical birthing model. Reluctantly I followed inner guidance and surrendered the career I worked hard to attain.

Surprisingly, in its place a new path opened up.

I began listening to women’s birth stories and helping women heal from unexpected and disappointing outcomes of childbirth. This act transformed their lives (and mine too).

A woman’s birth story takes me straight to her soul. I discovered that within her birthing experience there is deep medicine for her life on planet earth. Nobody taught me this, I didn’t study trauma healing. Like attending women in labour I sat and listened and listened to hundreds and hundreds of birth stories.

There is much you can do to protect yourself and your baby from unnecessary birth trauma.

You must have a voice, you have to be fierce. I don’t mean aggressive, I mean fierce the way a mother lioness is fierce.

If you are pregnant for the first time or planning your next birth after a disappointing experience here are my top 7 tips to prevent unnecessary birth trauma.

1. Reclaim your Body

If you conceived and grew your baby you can birth it too.

You can.

Be discerning about what you read. Just because a pregnancy book is on the shelf at the book store doesn’t make it good for you. Read true birth classics such as “Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering” by Dr. Sarah Buckley,  “Spiritual Midwifery” by Ina May Gaskin and “Birth Goddess” by Katrina Zaslavsky.

You don’t need your thinking brain for birth.

You need deeper wisdom, your instinct. Although we have been socialized this still exists within us.

Surrender your mind, sink back inside your softness, melt back in with your womb, go with your body.  Your body, like the moon and the ocean has her own flow, her own timing and her own divine rhythm.

Women in a coma can birth a baby. Your body knows what to do if you can give her a chance to do it.

You’ll need a safe space to birth, one where you can tune into yourself and let go. You need privacy and to be undisturbed. A good midwife knows how to support a woman in labour without interrupting her. It’s a fine art, being there but not getting in her way.

Remember that your baby doesn’t come out of your head.

He or she comes out of your body.

So come back to your body. Go offline. Unplug and switch off from social media in pregnancy. Tune into your body. Tune into the earth. Get yourself onto the grass or by the sea or into nature.

Walk in the park, dance, swim, sway and rock. Pregnancy is a time to just be. Yes, you can just be sometimes. Enter into the realm of the Feminine, with nothing to do, but enjoy being in a pregnant body. You are like a glowing and radiant full moon. A Goddess.

Take care in pregnancy. Protect your baby and yourself. Protect your energy. Stay away from negative people.

Be safe.

Do what makes you feel alive, free and happy in your body.

Garden. Breathe. Make love. Rest.

Feed yourself delicious food.

Be in your body.

You are made for this.

You can do this.

You got this.

Nourish your body.

Enjoy.

2. Reclaim your Sexual Power

The energy within you that got the baby in will get the baby out. Your sexual power is key. Let it flow, let it open you. Let it heal you. Let it wash right through you.

Labour goes in waves. It can start slowly and build up or it can just be there full on and cranking.

If you are uninhibited and open to your waves of sexual energy and flowing it through your body you can open and surrender to the waves of labour with ease.

Let each wave expand your pelvis and your consciousness. Let each breathe take you further inside the ocean of bliss within you. Let sex and birth expand you, not frighten you.

Breathe. Seek support from someone you love and trust.

You’re not lost, you’re just going wide and wild, stretching further than you ever have before allowing something new to come through you. Hop out of your own way, let the ocean come through you. Let your child be born. Open.

Pleasure yourself in pregnancy. Massage your breasts, your belly and your Yoni (your vagina) and your perineum (space between vagina and anus). Get to know your Yoniverse.

Experience your growing sexual energy. Flow it through you, share it with your partner if you have one and enjoy it.

Heal sexual blocks and traumas.

Free your heart.

Circle your pelvis.

Make love, even if you’re the only one there.

Open.

Open your mouth.

Make a sound… Aaaahhhhhh!!!!

Open your arms and legs, stretch out.

Open your voice.

Open your heart.

Open your soul, a new one is coming to earth through you.

Reclaim your sexual power.

Take up space.

This is your time.

You open and close the space.

Thou art Goddess.

3. Reclaim your Primal Voice

Be like wildlife, make animal sounds. Let your energy flow freely through you with sounds. Get down on all fours and sound. You can do this through pregnancy when you get stressed and in labour too.

Let it be easy.

Howl to the Moon.

Purr like a cat.

Grunt like a pig.

Moo like a cow.

Meow like a kitten.

Scream like a banshee.

Moan like a sex Goddess.

Release Sound. Deep sounds.

Express the sounds of your womb, your yoni, your hips and your thighs.

Let it out.

Sounding will help you release stagnant energy and take up space for yourself in pregnancy and birth.

Birth is not a time to be small and cute and play dead. You will be challenged at times on many levels and you can breathe and sound though it.

You can do it.

Practice having a voice in pregnancy, not just the voice of your head, include the deeper voice, the voice of your bones and your womb and your blood.

The voice of ancient feminine wisdom.

You’ve got this.

Your body. Your baby. Your birth.

Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Become comfortable with saying both yes and know and don’t betray yourself. Ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t.

You will be tested. During pregnancy and birth you will be offered things you may not want so practice with your body yes and your body no.

You know what you want.

You know what you don’t want.

Trust your belly.

Trust your wisdom.

You’ve got this.

Have a voice.

Go Wild.

4. Release your Fears

Fear is the enemy of birth. What we resist persists. Fears don’t go away, they wait. Face them and they disappear.

Sit down and write all your fears about giving birth down on a blank piece of paper.

Example.

I am afraid of…

write your fears here… i.e. hospitals, tearing, exhaustion, blood loss, male doctors… whatever your fears are.

Look at each one. Face it. See it for what it is. Look it in the eye. When you are ready you are going to release all the energy of this fear from inside you.

Write each fear on a separate piece of paper.

Create a safe space for this ritual, such as a fireplace or an enclosed fire pit outside.

Burn each piece of paper one by one.

Ask yourself, have I let go? What do I still need to let go of?

You may need more support with this from a midwife, birth healing coach or counsellor.

When this is complete and you feel ready return to your writing tools.

Affirm what you want instead.

Energize your new beliefs.

Bring it to life. Paint it. Write it. Speak it. Dance it.

Drop the drama. Energize what you want instead.

Write positive affirmations.

Stick them up in your house where you can see them.

Alternatively you can also… dance or paint out your fears.

Do hypno birthing.

Fear holds us back in labour and in life.

Release your fears.

Express yourself.

Write.

Paint.

Sing.

Knit.

Crochet.

Cook.

Create.

Dance.

Get them out, out out!

Release your fears.

5. Hire support people you trust in every cell of your body

If something feels off with your care provider, investigate your feelings. Too often women tell me they didn’t really like their doctor, midwife or doula. It’s too late after your birth to fix this problem. Pregnancy is the time for choosing care providers very very carefully.

It is important that you like, love and trust your chosen care provider with every cell in your body.

Birth is intimate. You gotta feel right about your support team.

It is important you like them. You are going to have a baby with this person.

Think about your main care provider for the birth of your child and answer the following questions as honestly as you can.

Do you feel respected?

Do you feel safe?

Can you be yourself?

Do you feel heard?

Do you feel comfortable with the idea of going wild and getting naked with them?

Do you trust them in every cell of your body?

If not, move on.

Start again.

Next.

6. Trust

Trust yourself. Trust your baby. Trust the process. Trust your Midwife. Trust your Doula. Trust Birth. Trust Life. Trust. You can do this.

7. Surrender

When labour begins, there’s nothing left to do. Let go and enjoy it. Let labour wash through you and take you to the motherland.

Dance it.

Sing it.

Sound it.

Move with it.

Shake it.

Swim with it.

Love Birth.

Let go.

Let Goddess.

Surrender.

Taking a Stand

It was on a plane in 2015 on one of my many flights across the Tasman between New Zealand and Australia that it happened. I was watching a film called “How to Save the World” – a fascinating documentary about the founders of Greenpeace.

Greenpeace, an organization founded by activists and volunteers, has done a phenomenal job of protecting whales and seals and other wildlife since its inception by a handful of courageous eco-warriors.

Whaling has been stopped in many countries.

Greenpeace did change the world.

Watching this film I thought to myself… “Who is going to protect the mothers and the babies? Who is going to stop birth trauma?”

Unlike the slaughtering of baby seals, violence towards women and babies at birth is hidden from the world.

It is not about anger, but rather compliance and control. It is about fear and how fear is applied in a controlled way to a mysterious process that is unique to each birth.

From a midwifery perspective, birth trauma in big hospitals is predictable with poor outcomes and life long consequences for women.

To avoid it we must not be afraid, nor must we be naive and pretend it does not exist.

Violence against women and babies during labour and birth goes on in subtle and direct ways across the world.

Medicine expects compliance. It is carried out by those who don’t know any other way. They are doing the only thing they know how to do with the linear cortex, medical perspective and surgical skills they have.

It gets the baby out quickly, yes.

And it makes Birth look like drive through.

It goes like this.

As part of normal labour women experience intense pain in birth. They can feel very vulnerable and they sometimes want to go home or give up or die or all these things.

Hospitals provide a smorgasbord of options which, from a position of intense exhaustion, pain or suffering can sound like a very good idea at the time.

Vulnerability + Pain + Hospital + Fear + lack of Autonomous Midwives = Massive Intervention = Unnecessary birth trauma

This doesn’t happen in midwifery led environments, in fact maternity care from a known midwife means 50 – 80% fewer medical interventions during childbirth.

I listen to women. I hear their stories of birth. I hear how healthy women feel about their caesareans, and their forceps and their vacuum. I hear about their lost dreams. I see their tears.

And I know that so much of this pain can be prevented.

Unnecessary birth trauma will end when women and midwives reclaim their rightful place as guardians of normal childbirth.

When Midwives return to their respected and important role in society as the guardians and protectors of normal pregnancy and birth we will see Birth come home.

We can turn the tide.

We can restore our sacred rites.

We can and we are.

Women are the experts on themselves, their bodies and their baby. Midwives are the experts of normal birth. Medicine can be called upon IF, and only ever if it is truly required. Most of the time, it isn’t required but because we take a normal healthy life giving process into a medical environment much is lost, we create problems, lots of them.

The medical model sees birth as an accident waiting to happen and treats it as such. Every step of labour is charted, women are questioned, prodded and poked.

Surveillance goes against Birth and creates problems.

Unnecessary birth trauma is then created, it is a by-product of being caught in a net and hoping that something outside ourselves will help us escape it.

When we listen to our inner guidance above all else, and go with it, birth trauma can begin to end.

There are many ways to help a woman get her baby out. Instruments and surgery are one way.

Midwifery is another.

When we heal the soul of midwifery Birth will begin to come home.

The seal fur traders probably thought they were doing the best thing for their communities by supporting the baby seal fur trade back in the day. Perhaps the fur industry supported their families and communities for generations.

Not any more.

Facing our fear of death during birth is a long forgotten aspect of spiritual midwifery.

When we neglect the spiritual and shamanic dimensions of birth we have to resort to machines and instruments.

The inner doors open through an alchemical process that is a mystery. Midwives hold the space for this and support women to release whatever holds them back. When we let go and trust, our baby comes earth side. Sometimes it means we die to something internally. This is an aspect of birth that is overlooked by those who think their way through maternity care with only linear symbol processing. Much more is going on beneath the surface, and the inner workings of women contribute to the outer workings in birth.

Many maternity care providers feel they are doing the best thing when they introduce a monitor, fetal scalp electrode, an episiotomy (cutting a woman’s perineum between vagina and anus) an epidural, forceps, vacuum or caesarean section into a woman’s birth.

It’s often the only way they know how to get the baby out. Yet from a midwifery perspective, creating the right environment and honouring the woman and her process is how the babies emerge naturally.

This happens spontaneously, without force.

Too often these things are introduced because they are seen as the only option. It’s sort of like being hungry and the only thing open is McDonald’s. Just because it’s everywhere doesn’t mean it is good for you.

We can Birth in a natural and humane way. There are too many cuts, too many machines, too many drugs and too many interventions. It all can stop. It can stop with you.

Many women say they want a natural birth, yet birthing in a hospital means that pretty much everything in there goes against that outcome. For instance, driving to a hospital to give birth, bright lights, strangers, sanitized clinical environments that don’t smell familiar, operating theatres, beeping machines and throngs of medical staff peering at your body is not natural.

Far from it.

It’s a jungle in there and there are traps. Traps that you can walk into without even being aware of them.

Birth can be straightforward. Birth can be spiritual. Birth can be Wild. Birth can be empowering. Birth can be sexy. Birth can be intense. Birth can be whatever she is.

Natural birth happens when women are undisturbed in labour. If we disturb the mother, we disturb the delicate chemicals of love and safety required to expand enough, to trust enough to let the doors of life open and let babies be born. If we don’t feel safe enough to let go, the doors of life won’t open no matter how much they tell you to push.

Women aren’t made to be hooked up to machines during birth. Women are not made to birth on white sanitized sheets lying on single beds in the middle of medical rooms.

Women are not made to be told how to birth.

We’ve got this.

We know how to Birth.

If women are healthy, prepared, protected and feel safe, most can birth well.

We know. We know. We know. We just have to remember.

So many women tell me they want a natural birth, yet they walk themselves into an environment that offers the opposite.

Some have tried to capture Birth and diminish her. Women were not meant to birth in captivity. We might need to roam, we might need to rest. We might need to go quiet. We might need to get fierce.

There is no animal on earth that would agree to the kinds of intervention women agree to during childbirth.

Show your teeth if necessary.

And be sure to heal from your previous birth if you are birthing again. This is a must.

Don’t play dead. Don’t be compliant.

Get in alliance with your birthing powers.

Seek out an experienced Midwife or Doula you trust to support you.

Birth is the big work and we need Midwives, autonomous and fully supported to do the work they are so good at. Controlling women, birth and midwives in institutions is not working.

It isn’t.

Midwives need support, they work all hours of the night and day. Women need support and both need freedom.

Since Birth went to hospitals women’s outcomes improved for many decades but between 2000 and 2013 the number of women who died of child birth related issues nearly doubled in USA and Canada. (World Health Organization, 2008)

I am making a stand for something else. For the capacity of women to birth without a whole lot of machines and equipment.

Birth in most big hospitals has become like drive through. You go in, you get your baby and you come out with some kind of cut or wound.

Women and Birth are not drive through. Something important is happening.

Our bodies and our baby belong to us, not to hospitals.

I have seen violence towards women in hospitals and every midwife who works in a hospital knows exactly how, when, where and with whom it happens.

It has to stop.

Violence towards women during childbirth is hidden because women birth in private behind closed doors where they are expected to be compliant. Grrrr …

97% of women in Australia birth in a hospital. From 2007 to 2014 I worked in these hospitals as a doula, student midwife and midwife.

Midwifery today would require me to partake in practices I believe are dangerous. Practices that have no evidence to back them up.

Surveillance in the form of continuous fetal monitoring (which has a woman tied to a bed) as well as routine vaginal examinations contribute to unnecessary birth trauma.

It’s not humane. It has to stop.

The medical model disturbs the natural birthing process. It then has to introduce instruments or operations to get the baby out.

Continuous fetal monitoring, Induction of Labour, Episiotomy, Vacuum Extraction Forceps delivery and Caesarean section are not enjoyable experiences for many women.

The accepted cultural myth is that the hospital is the safe place to have a baby, but I disagree. Personal safety is a subjective concept. I think we have gone too far into the illusion that the hospital is the safe place.

Birth today is like an endangered species.

She is being hunted.

She is being captured.

She is tied up in ropes and wires.

Too many women are birthing in captivity.

It’s time to free her.

Birth was never meant to be drive through.

Hands off the Mother.

Hands off the baby.

Hands off the process.

Hands off her womb.

Sacred Woman.

Sacred Earth.

Sacred Birth.

My body.

My baby.

My choice.